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#308 : L'Appartement

Hank passe une nuit blanche suite à la visite surprise de Jackie et de ses deux collègues stripteaseuses du club. Mais Jill et Felicia frappent toutes deux à sa porte le lendemain matin avant que le trio ne soit parti. Pour couronner le tout, Dean Koons arrive à son tour, suivi de Charlie ainsi que d'un Rick Springfield particulièrement remonté.

Titre VO
The Apartment

Titre VF
L'Appartement

Vidéos

Rick Springfield- I shit a pint of blood

Rick Springfield- I shit a pint of blood

  

Photos promo

Photo de l'épisode #3.08

Plus de détails

Ecrit par: Tom Kapinos

Réalisé par: Adam Bernstein

Episode 308

 

“The Apartment”

 

Written by Tom Kapinos

 

Directed by Adam Bernstein

 

PRODUCTION DRAFT (6.2.09)

 

CALIFORNICATION

 

EPISODE 308 “The Apartment”

 

CHARACTER LIST

 

PRODUCTION DRAFT 6.2.09

 

HANK MOODY ………………………………………………………………DAVID DUCHOVNY

KAREN ………………………………………………………………………….NATASCHA MCELHONE

CHARLIE ……………………………………………………………………….EVAN HANDLER

BECCA ………………………………………………………………………….MADELEINE MARTIN

DEAN KOONS ……………………………………………………………… PETER GALLAGHER

FELICIA KOONS ………………………………………………………........EMBETH DAVIDTZ

JILL ROBINSON ………………………………………………………........DIANE FARR

CHELSEA ……………………………………………………………………….ELLEN DAVIS WOGLOM

JACKIE …………………………………………………………………………...EVA AMURRI

RICK SPRINGFIELD ………………………………………………............RICK SPRINGFIELD

STRIPPER ……………………………………………………………………....TBD

STRIPPER #2 …………………………………………………………….......TBD

 

CALIFORNICATION

 

EPISODE 308 “The Apartment”

 

SET LIST

 

PRODUCTION DRAFT 6.2.09

 

INTERIORS

 

HANK’S PLACE

  • LIVING ROOM
  • HANK’S BEDROOM
  • FRONT DOOR

 

KAREN’S OFFICE

 

EXTERIORS

 

HANK’S PLACE

  • BACK PATIO

 

CALIFORNICATION

 

EPISODE 308 “The Apartment”

 

DAY BREAKDOWN

 

PRODUCTION DRAFT 6.2.09

 

NIGHT ONE - Scene 1

MORNING TWO - Scenes 2 – 3, 5 – 12

DAY TWO - Scene 4 (NYC)

 

FADE IN:

 

1 INT. HANK’S PLACE - NIGHT 1

HANK’s in the living room. Talking dirty to his laptop.

Hank: Come on... show me something. Start small. The hint of an aureola. The suggestion of a nipple maybe. See how it feels and we’ll go from there. No pressure. Unless you wanna see my schween. ‘Cause I’ll totally unfurl for ya. I’m not shy.

Reveal KAREN on the laptop screen. Vaguely amused.

Karen: Hank. Stop it. Your daughter could walk out at any second.

Hank: That’s impossible.

Karen: Unlikely maybe, not impossible. And I highly doubt she wants to see your schween.

Hank: Gross. Why ya gotta talk like that? But there’s like 0.0 percent chance of that happening. She’s not even on the premises. Karen is immediately annoyed. Yep, you can tell.

Karen: And where might she be this evening, Hank?

Hank: (Sensing trouble.) Oh, she just ran out. To the liquor store. Be back any second. Same time tomorrow? Okay, bye now...

Karen: She’s with “them”, isn’t she?

Hank: Them? They’re not an alien race bent on galactic domination, Karen.

Karen: How do you know? Do you have proof?

Hank: Shit, you’re right. I guess I should explore the grounds. There could be a portal of some kind in the topiary garden.

Karen: Okay, signing off.

Hank: Wait -- no virtual sexy time?

Karen: Your fault. You broke the spell.

Hank: Me, it’s my fault? You were agin it when you thought Becca was in her room, and now you’re agin it because Becca’s spending the night with the Tudors. I can’t win with you, woman.

Karen smiles. Starts to take her top off. Hank gets excited. Rubs his hands together. And then she abruptly signs off. Hank is perturbed by the virtual cock-tease.

Hank: That was not nice. Seriously, that was mean.

Hank slams the laptop shut. Bored, he picks up his nearby Les Paul. Plucks a few notes. Plays rock star for a moment. A KNOCK at the front door. Guitar slung low behind him, he makes his way to the door. Opens it to JACKIE and A SMOKIN’ HOT PAIR OF STRIPPER GALPALS. Jackie brandishing a big bottle of Jack Daniels.

Jackie: Wanna party?

Off Hank, a kid face-to-face with the hot fudge sundae of his dreams, cut to MAIN TITLES.

 

CALIFORNICATION EP.308 PRODUCTION DRAFT 6/2/09 2.

 

2 INT. HANK’S BEDROOM - MORNING 2

Hank gradually wakes up in a bed full of naked strippers. Only one of whom is awake and looking at him fondly: Jackie. The other two are still passed out.

Hank: I know we killed that bottle of Jack, but I don’t remember making the sex with Betty and Veronica.

Jackie: Nah, they mostly amused themselves. I’m not so good with the sharing. Much with the kissing and the fondling.

Hank: Hey, you never told me what you guys were out celebrating.

Jackie: Oh, yeah. That. My last dance. (Off his look.) I’m done.

Hank: With?

Jackie: The stripping.

Hank: Really? Ya don’t say...

Jackie: Yep. I’m out. No more grinding on middle-aged hard-ons for me. Except for yours, of course.

Hank: Hey, who ya calling middle-aged?

Jackie: You. My old dude boyfriend.

Hank: Oh, is that what I am?

Jackie: Sure. A girl doesn’t give up the pole for just anyone, you know.

 

CALIFORNICATION EP.308 PRODUCTION DRAFT 6/2/09 3.

 

Hank: Stop. You’re gonna make me blush. So what’s next for you?

Jackie: Writing. I’m gonna give it a go. Fuck, it’s what makes me happiest. So what if I die poor, drunk and alone?

Hank: Who’s to say you wouldn’t go out that way anyway?

Jackie: Well, thanks for helping me see the light, teach.

Hank: My pleasure. I’m honored. And beyond giddy that my half-baked wisdom is working for you. But...

Jackie: You’re not seriously gonna try breaking up with me again, are you?

Hank: Well, to be fair and balanced about it all, the phrase “breaking up” suggests that, once upon a time, we were together.

Jackie: Okay, just so I’m clear -- the sheer amount of no holds barred sex we’ve been having does not indicate a certain level of intimacy?

Hank: Well, sure. Sure it does. (Confused.) What’s your point?

Jackie: For a man who loves women, you don’t seem to understand them very well. Every time we sleep together... every time you’re inside me... every time I come... I get just a little bit more attached to you.

 

CALIFORNICATION EP.308 PRODUCTION DRAFT 6/2/09 4.

 

Hank: Okay, I hear that. And I know it feels fairly momentous and all, but I think this is one of those rites of passage they talk about. Yep. Every comely young college gal has a fling with her favorite professor. Even my old lady had one. Used to really gross me out. Now I understand. It’s like she was fucking me before she met me. Helps me sleep easier.

The phone RINGS. Hank’s never been more pleased by the shrillness of it all. Until he sees who it is: Karen. He gets out of bed. Heads out of the room.

Hank: Yikes. I should probably take this elsewhere. In Santa Monica, perhaps.

Jackie: Tell her I said hi.

Hank: Will do.

 

3 INT. HANK’S PLACE - LIVING ROOM - MORNING 3

Hank waits until he’s in the living room to answer.

Hank: City morgue. You kill ‘em, we chill ‘em.

Intercut with:

 

4 INT. KAREN’S OFFICE IN NYC - DAY 4

Karen: Did she get off to school okay?

Hank: Jeez, one would hope.

Karen: That’s not very comforting.

Hank: Look, the dean peoples are many things, but not punctual is not one of them. So don’t worry so much.

 

CALIFORNICATION EP.308 PRODUCTION DRAFT 6/2/09 5.

 

Karen: I called her cell to check in. Texted her. Checked her Twitter page. Nothing. No response.

Hank: That means very little. She never hollas back or Twats when she’s all aggro.

Karen: What the fuck is she so aggro about?

Hank: Duh. We’re ruining her life, remember? Or maybe it’s game day for the Crimson Tide. We all know how edgy you get when Aunt Flo’s in town.

Karen: Are you trying to piss me off right now?

Hank: See? Is it arts and crafts week at panty camp for you too? An alarmed Jackie comes out of the bedroom. Calls out:

Jackie: Hank!

Hank clamps his hand over the receiver. Stomps the floor in frustration. Growls. Gestures for Jackie to get her ass back in the bedroom.

Karen: What was that?

Hank: What was what?

Karen: Someone shouted “Hank”.

Hank: Oh, the cleaning lady. That was the cleaning lady. (Yells off.) Be right there, Consuela!

He adds a nice blast of Spanglish for good measure.

 

CALIFORNICATION EP.308 PRODUCTION DRAFT 6/2/09 6.

 

Karen: When did you get a cleaning lady?

Hank: Soon. Recently. This place is a fucking mess. You saw that shit. I gotta go. She doesn’t appear to be dusting. Peace and love.

Hank hangs up and heads into

 

5 INT. HANK’S BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS 5

where Jackie and one of her stripper friends is trying to rouse the other. Chick’s not moving.

Hank: What the fuck is this?

Jackie: She won’t wake up.

Hank: Holy shitness. Is she dead?

Hank gets up close. Winces.

Hank: Wow. That’s some intense morning breath. What is that? (Goes in for another sniff.) Ah, yes... cheese doodles and beer. Midnight snack of champions. At least she’s still breathing. What’d she take?

Jackie: Who knows? She’s a walking pharmacy, this one.

Stripper: She took some Ex. We both did.

Hank: Yeah, you guys were like a couple of cats on the edge of the bed. It was like watching the Yule Log. With lesbian strippers.

A KNOCK at the door. Hank sighs. Wants to kill somebody.

 

CALIFORNICATION EP.308 PRODUCTION DRAFT 6/2/09 7.

 

6 INT. HANK’S PLACE - FRONT DOOR - MORNING 6

Hank opens the door to a cheerful CHARLIE and a twitchy RICK SPRINGFIELD.

Charlie: Top of the morning, chum.

Hank: What the fuck do you want?

Rick Springfield: (To Charlie.) Does he know who I am?

Charlie: Of course he knows who you are. You guys met at my place. Shared a meal, in fact. Broke some bread.

Rick Springfield: Then where’s the respect? Why’s he being a douche?

Hank: Hey, watch it, Rick Springfield. I’m in no mood.

Charlie: Okay, studs. Settle down. No need for a cock fight. (To Hank.) We’re here to check out the Porsche. You’re selling. Rick’s looking to buy. We firmed it up last night, remember?

Hank: Yeah, sure, now I do. But can we reschedule? I’ve got a comatose stripper in my bed.

Rick Springfield: Been there. Need some help?

 

7 INT. HANK’S BEDROOM - MORNING 7

The boys walk in just as Jackie and the other stripper have the comatose one sitting up on the edge of the bed. But as soon as they let go, she slumps off the bed, onto the floor, landing with a most unpleasant THUD.

 

CALIFORNICATION EP.308 PRODUCTION DRAFT 6/2/09 8.

 

Rick Springfield: Oh, man! D’ja hear that?! Nothing like the sound of a stripper’s head on a hardwood floor!

Hank: What the fuck is wrong with you?

Rick Springfield: What? You never rough ‘em up? ‘Scuse me, George Bailey. (To Charlie.) Get a load of this guy. Fuckin’ last boy scout over here.

Rick Springfield eyes Jackie, starts singing “Jessie’s Girl” right to her. Hank looks at Charlie.

Hank: You gotta get this fuckin’ ass clown outta here. Before I start swingin’..

Rick Springfield: Oh yeah? You wanna throw down, bad boy? You think you can take this? Guess what? I shit a pint of blood this morning.

Hank: Why? (To Charlie.) Just do me a favor and get these girls out of here, okay?

Charlie: I don’t know, Hank. This seems like dirty business. Kinda shady.

Hank: Charlie, when was the last time I actually asked you to do something for me?

Charlie: I got you those Stones tickets.

Hank: Yes. You did. In the spring of 2003.

Charlie: That wasn’t easy, you know. I had to make a lot of calls.

 

CALIFORNICATION EP.308 PRODUCTION DRAFT 6/2/09 9.

 

Hank stares Charlie down until he leaps into problem-solver mode.

Charlie: Okay, here’s what we do. Rick and I will take her to the ER. See what’s what. (To Rick Springfield.) And while we’re there, we should take a look at why you’re shitting so much blood.

Charlie and Rick Springfield pick up the semi-conscious stripper and start carrying her toward the front door. The other stripper looks at Rick. Makes a connection.

Stripper: Hey, you’re Rick Springfield, aren’t you?

Rick Springfield: That’s right, tiny dancer. You look familiar. You ever shake your ass for me?

Stripper: No, but my mom did. I think you guys boned.

Rick Springfield: Right on. She say good things about my big ten inch?

Stripper: She said you refused to put a rubber on it.

Rick Springfield: That’s right, baby. Skin on skin. Let the love begin.

Rick Springfield loses focus and accidentally bangs the stripper’s head against the dining room table.

Hank: Hey, watch what the fuck you’re doing, Rick Springfield!

Rick Springfield suddenly drops his end of the stripper.

 

CALIFORNICATION EP.308 PRODUCTION DRAFT 6/2/09 10.

 

Rick Springfield: (To Charlie.) Okay, I’ve just about had it with this guy and his snotty fucking comments. (To Hank.) I will fuck you until your ass bleeds, cowboy.

Hank: Thank God. Because I don’t think that would take very long.

Just as they’re about to throw down, there’s another KNOCK at the door. Everyone stops short. Hank shushes everyone, goes to the door. Looks through the peephole. It’s JILL. Aargh. He waits a beat, hoping she’ll go away.

Jill: (Out Screen.) I know you’re in there, Hank! I heard footsteps! Open up!

Hank sighs, disgusted, waves everyone back into the bedroom. Once they’re all safely ensconced, Hank opens the door to a very playful and coquettish Jill.

Jill: Good morning...

Hank: Look at you. Paying a house call.

Jill: Thought I’d catch you before you left for work.

Hank: And catch me you did.

Jill: Yeah, seeing as you’re always late, I figured it was a safe bet. (Then.) Are you going to invite me in?

Hank: What are you? A vampire?

Jill: I want to tell you something. I’ve got news. Big news.

 

CALIFORNICATION EP.308 PRODUCTION DRAFT 6/2/09 11.

 

Hank: Can it wait? I was just about to get in the shower.

Jill: Can I join you? We can discuss it in there.

Hank: Hey, I thought we agreed to put a stop to such shenanigans.

Jill: That’s exactly what I wanted to talk to you about.

She blows in past him. Heads straight for the bedroom. Hank is forced to head her off at the pass.

Hank: How ‘bout a cup of coffee?

Jill: Nah, not so much. Just brushed. A coupla Altoids too.

Hank: Well, I’m gonna get me a cup.

Jill: Good for you. Join me in the boudoir.

Hank: Please don’t.

Jill: What?

Hank: Please don’t go in there.

Jill: Oh my god. You have a fucking girl in there, don’t you?

Hank: No. Give a guy some credit. Maybe he just laid down some serious wolfbait. (Off her look.) I took my morning dump, okay? Reeks to high heaven in there.

 

CALIFORNICATION EP.308 PRODUCTION DRAFT 6/2/09 12.

 

Jill: Lovely.

Hank: It was, actually. An almost perfect bowel movement. Clean as a whistle. Barely had to wipe.

Jill: But you did, right?

Hank: Of course. What do you think I am? An animal? (Off her look.) Okay, so what do you want to tell me?

Jill: I’ve been doing some thinking.

Hank: Some over-thinking, you mean.

Jill: Shut up. I accept you.

Hank: Huh?

Jill: I accept you for who you are.

Hank: Thank you. I think.

Jill: You’re not listening, stupid. I accept you for who you are. I don’t want to change you. We’re good together. Kid or no kid. Snip or no snip. I want to be with you. I’ve wasted years on the idea of something. I was in love with the idea of perfect love. But now I’m in love with Hank Moody.

Hank: Yeah, but...

Jill: Don’t you dare “but” me right now.

 

CALIFORNICATION EP.308 PRODUCTION DRAFT 6/2/09 13.

 

She opens her jacket. She’s completely naked underneath. Hank drops his coffee cup on the kitchen floor. It shatters.

Hank: Fuck!

A KNOCK at the door.

Hank: Fuck!! (Then.) Hold that very naked thought...

Hank goes to the door. Peeps through the peephole: It’s FELICIA. Hank goes back to Jill. Grabs her. Steers her toward Becca’s room.

Jill: What are you doing? Who is it?

Hank: Felicia.

Jill: Fuck!!!

Hank: You said it, lady. Be cool.

Hank shoves her in Becca’s room and closes the door. He goes to the front door and opens it to Felicia. She smiles, nervous and giddy. Walks right in. Hank follows her into the living room area.

Felicia: Good morning.

Hank: Good morning to you.

Felicia: I can’t stop thinking about it.

Hank: What? (Off her look.) Oh. That. You liked that, did you?

 

CALIFORNICATION EP.308 PRODUCTION DRAFT 6/2/09 14.

 

Felicia: I did. That was some very intense and powerful love-making, Hank. (Off his look.) What’s wrong?

Hank: I’m just not a big fan of that phrase. Love-making. Making love. I prefer fucking, banging, stuffing maybe. Perhaps. Take your pick.

Felicia: Well... so much for the afterglow.

Hank: So what can I do you for this AM?

Felicia: I told him.

Hank: Him. (Horrified.) Please tell me that “him” is your therapist.

Felicia: No such luck, I’m afraid.

Hank: Why on earth would you do something like that?

Felicia: He knew, Hank. He saw it on my face. The pure joy. The glow of a freshly fucked and properly tended to woman. So I told him. Came clean. Felt so good. It was the right thing to do.

Hank: Jesus Fuck.

Felicia: Jesus Fuck indeed. Guess what? (Off his fear.) I’m leaving him.

Hank: Oh no. Oh no you’re not.

 

CALIFORNICATION EP.308 PRODUCTION DRAFT 6/2/09 15.

 

Felicia: Stacy and I just don’t make sense anymore. We haven’t for quite some time now. Life is short. I want to spend the rest of my days with someone I’m passionate about. Someone who gives me butterflies. For better or for worse, Hank, that someone is you.

Hank: Whoa. Slow the fuck down. One love-making session -- however inspired and transcendent -- does not a relationship make. What about the Chelsea?

Felicia: What about her?

Hank: No matter how bratty she is, the wayward little snot doesn’t deserve a broken home.

Felicia: Oh, she’ll get over it. Becca has clearly weathered the storm.

Hank: No, she hasn’t. She’s totally fucked up, that kid. Karen and I made a huge mistake. We should’ve made it work at all costs. For her sake. We were stubborn and foolish and retarded and young... ish...

Felicia puts a finger to his lips, shushing him.

Felicia: Why don’t you just shut up and make love to me already? (Then.) Or you can fuck me, bang me, stuff me. Take your pick.

At which point Charlie saunters out of bedroom, stripped down to boxers and an unbuttoned dress shirt. He nods at them, gives a cheerful little wave, heads right for the fridge. Hunts around for a moment. Pulls out a stick of butter.

 

CALIFORNICATION EP.308 PRODUCTION DRAFT 6/2/09 16.

 

Felicia: Who is that?

Hank: That would be my agent. (Then.) Charlie Runkle, Felicia Koons.

Charlie: Oh, the dean’s wife. Lovely to meet you, Mrs.

Charlie wipes his hand on his boxers before offering it to her. They shake. She feels something unpleasant, wipes her hand on her clothes.

Felicia: Lovely to meet you...

Charlie goes back to the bedroom.

Hank: So where were we?

Felicia: I was leaving my husband for you.

Hank: Right. Will you excuse me for a moment?

Hank walks into

 

8 INT. HANK’S BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS 8

quite the decadent scene: Cigarette in his mouth, Rick Springfield is using the stick of butter as an anal sex lubricant with the stripper. And he’s pouring hot candle wax on her back. Charlie, meanwhile, is receiving oral from the same girl. Rick Springfield looks up at Hank with a depraved grin.

Rick Springfield: You wanna get in on this?

Hank: You guys are fucking foul.

Rick Springfield: Ya sure? There’s an open hole...

 

CALIFORNICATION EP.308 PRODUCTION DRAFT 6/2/09 17.

 

Hank: (To the stripper) You okay, sweetheart?

She nods, clearly unfazed by it all.

Stripper: Don’t worry -- they’re paying for it.

Charlie: Well, I’m paying for it.

Rick Springfield: So I left my fucking wallet at home. Sue me already. Jesus. (To stripper.) Say it, baby. Say it.

Stripper: (Bored.) I’m getting fucked by Rick Springfield.

Rick Springfield: Again. Say “in the ass” this time.

Stripper: (Just as bored.) I’m getting fucked in the ass by Rick Springfield. As Rick Springfield starts singing one of his hits, Hank averts his gaze and heads out to

 

9 THE BACK PATIO 9

where he finds Jackie texting on her Blackberry.

Hank: You okay out here? What are you doing?

Jackie: I’m writing.

Hank: Really? On that thing?

Jackie: Sure, why not? I have a whole novel on here. Almost. Hard to tell.

 

CALIFORNICATION EP.308 PRODUCTION DRAFT 6/2/09 18.

 

Hank: I hope you’re capitalizing and using proper punctuation.

Jackie: Can we go yet?

Hank: Not yet. A few fires to put out first.

Jackie: Okay. Are you proud of me? (Off his look.) For quitting?

Hank: Absolutely. You done good. Keep writing.

She smiles. Hank goes in

 

10 INT. HANK’S PLACE - CONTINUOUS 10

through the kitchen, stops dead in his tracks -- DEAN KOONS is standing in the dining room. Looking around. Felicia nowhere in sight. Koons turns, sees Hank. They meet halfway.

Dean Koons: Hello, Hank.

Hank: Morning, Stacy.

Dean Koons: The front door was open.

Hank: Yeah, I’m very neighborly that way.

Dean Koons: You’ve never called me Stacy before. I wonder why.

Hank: I don’t know. Just kinda rolled trippingly off the tongue.

 

CALIFORNICATION EP.308 PRODUCTION DRAFT 6/2/09 19.

 

Dean Koons: Something must be different. Oh, that’s right -- you fucked my wife.

Hank: Right. About that...

Dean Koons: What could you say, Hank? What could you possibly say? To take away the hurt and pain of being cuckolded?

Hank: (Thinks about it.) Nothing. I’ve got nothing. The well is dry.

Dean Koons: Amazing. Never thought I’d see it in my lifetime.

Hank: You can hit me if you want. Head, gut, whatever. It’s only fair.

Dean Koons: I don’t want to hit you, Hank. I just want to understand. How do you do it?

Hank: Do what exactly?

Dean Koons: You obviously have this thing with women. Some kind of special connection. No matter what you do, no matter how big of an ass you are, they seem to respond. You’re a goddamn Girl Whisperer.

Hank: Okay, have you listened to your wife lately? She’s obviously a woman scorned. I don’t mean to speak of the dean’s business, but

it sounds like you hurt her first.

Dean Koons: You’re right about that. I did. I was weak. I cheated. Stepped outside my marriage. Humiliated my better half.

 

CALIFORNICATION EP.308 PRODUCTION DRAFT 6/2/09 20.

 

(MORE)

But she was so hot, Hank. This student of mine. You should’ve seen her. A priest would’ve defiled this girl. Hank looks around for Felicia, nervous...

Hank: Wow. Maybe you keep those details to yourself...

Dean Koons: Felicia is wonderful. A beautiful wife and mother. I loved her the moment I set eyes on her. I knew she was the one. But she was always a little reserved in the sack. The British, you know. There was never a surplus of oral. And what little there was dried up right after the wedding. I never understood. A man likes getting his dick sucked, ya know?

Felicia pops up from hiding, scaring the shit out of both of them...

Felicia: Well, maybe if you took a goddamn shower once in a while. Do you really a think a woman wants to go down on a man who’s just walked in off the tennis court? Or come from a ride? Do you think I want to peel off those sweaty bike shorts and go to town? Disgusting.

Dean Koons: I’m sorry, Felicia, but that happens to be when this man is at his horniest. You know that.

Felicia: Have you heard of compromise, Stacy?!

Hank: See? There you go. Compromise. I like where this is going.

Felicia: Divorce court. That’s where it’s going.

 

CALIFORNICATION EP.308 PRODUCTION DRAFT 6/2/09 21.

 

DEAN KOONS (CONT'D)

Dean Koons: And what are you doing here anyway? A free pass means once! No repeat business! This will be discusse in therapy. Just you watch.

Hank: Excellent idea. Therapize the fuck out of that shit.

Dean Koons: And you’re coming with us, Hank.

Hank: Ugh. No way. That sounds awful.

Felicia: It is awful. You know how much of my life I’ve wasted on that couch? Pretending we can just jabber through our issues? No more, Stacy. No more. I’m in love with someone else. Ouch. Both Hank and Dean Koons react as though punched in the face. Both for very different reasons, of course.

Dean Koons: Do you love my wife, Hank?

Hank: That’s a ridiculous question.

Dean Koons: What’s so ridiculous about it? She seems to be in love with you. Do you feel the same? Do you love her?

Hank: Well... I mean... I’m quite fond of her...

BECCA and CHELSEA enter the apartment. Chatting and laughing. Stopping short when they see their parents. Hank is only too happy for the interruption.

Hank: Well, what do we have here...?

Becca: What are you doing home?

 

CALIFORNICATION EP.308 PRODUCTION DRAFT 6/2/09 22.

 

Hank: Did they close the school? Snow day perhaps?

Chelsea: (To her parents.) What are you guys doing here?

Dean Koons: I believe that question should be directed at you, young lady.

Hank: Copy that, motherfucker.

Becca: I left one of my books here. I needed it.

Hank: Uh-huh. Why didn’t you call me? I would’ve been happy to bring it to you.

Hank suddenly sees a way to get away, free and clear.

Hank: Let’s go, ya little guttersnipe. No more double-talk. I’m taking your lying, no-account ass right back to school.

Dean Koons: Excellent idea. What he said. Let’s go, Chelsea.

Chelsea: Wait a second. Why are you guys here?

Felicia: If you must know, we were chatting about you.

Hank: That’s right. How concerned we are about your behaviors and such. Looks like it wasn’t entirely unfounded, no?

While Hank is talking, Becca heads off to her bedroom. Hank notices a beat too late.

 

CALIFORNICATION EP.308 PRODUCTION DRAFT 6/2/09 23.

 

Hank: Becca! Wait! Nope. Too late. She walks into her bedroom.

Hank watches the door. No calamity from within. He’s hopeful. Becca walks out with her textbook. Crisis averted?

Becca: Dad?

Hank: Yes?

Becca: Why is there a naked lady in my bedroom?

Hank sighs, busted. Jill walks out in shame, jacket wrapped around her, hugely embarrassed. Shocked looks all around. Chelsea seems to be enjoying the shit out of this.

Chelsea: Way to go, Hank!

Felicia: Oh my god. Have you been sleeping with your TA this whole time? While you were sleeping with me?

Chelsea: What?! Mom! Dad?!

Hank: Well... to be fair... we only slept together the once.

Jill: Bullshit.

Hank: Yeah, I was talking about me and Felicia.

Felicia: I counted three times.

Hank: All in one night doesn’t count.

 

CALIFORNICATION EP.308 PRODUCTION DRAFT 6/2/09 24.

 

Chelsea: (To Becca.) Your dad fucked my mom! (To Dean Koons.) Dad, what do you have to say about this?

Dean Koons: I think this calls for a family meeting.

Then the SMOKE ALARM goes off. Charlie, Rick Springfield and the stripper pile out of the bedroom. All in various states of undress. Dean Koons looks at Felicia.

Dean Koons: Is that Rick Springfield?

Rick Springfield: You bet your khaki-clad ass, white man. You a fan? (To Felicia.) What’s up, sweetheart?

Jackie wanders in through the kitchen, takes in the scene. Jill and Felicia see her and react...

Jill: You’ve got to be shitting me. Please tell me you didn’t fuck her, too.

Jackie: Why? Who else did he fuck? You? Gross.

Jill: Hey, fuck you!

Jackie: (To Chelsea.) You too?

Chelsea: Gross! No way! He fucked my mom.

Dean Koons: Chelsea, watch your mouth!

 

CALIFORNICATION EP.308 PRODUCTION DRAFT 6/2/09 25.

 

Chelsea: Dad, man up and grow a pair already. You’re just gonna let this asshole steal your wife?

Becca: Hey, watch who you call asshole. That’s my father you’re talking about.

Jackie shakes her head, looks at Hank.

Jackie: I can’t believe I quit stripping for you.

Hank: Hey, I still think it’s a good move. (Then.) Now if you’ll all excuse me for a moment... it appears I have an actual fire to put out...

Hank grabs a fire extinguisher from the kitchen. Goes into

 

11 INT. HANK’S BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS 11

where the candle Rick Springfield was using has ignited something highly flammable. Hank quickly puts out the fire. He sees the stripper still passed out on his bed. Shakes her, makes sure she’s okay. She groans in her sleep, grumpy. Satisfied, he steels himself, goes back into:

 

12 INT. HANK’S PLACE - CONTINUOUS 12

Everyone is gone now. Save for Becca, that is. She’s sitting on the couch in the living room. Troubled. He sits down next to her.

Hank: We should probably get you back to school.

Becca: No way. I’m not going. Not today.

Hank: Come on, Becca. Don’t test me. Not today.

 

CALIFORNICATION EP.308 PRODUCTION DRAFT 6/2/09 26.

 

Becca: I can’t believe you slept with all of them.

Hank: It’s not that simple, sweetheart.

Becca: All of them.

Hank: I suppose I did, yeah.

Becca: Why?

Hank: I don’t know.

Becca: That’s not good enough. I want to know why. There has to be a reason. Make me understand.

Hank: It just sort of happened.

Becca: Why do you do things like that?

Hank: Because I’m an idiot. Obviously.

Becca: No. You’re not allowed to feel sorry for yourself. Not right now. You need to talk to me. You need to tell me why you do the things you do when you know that people can get seriously hurt. Myself included.

Hank: God, I hate it when you’re mad at me.

Becca: I’m not mad at you. You wouldn’t get mad at a big, dumb dog for shitting on the rug, would you?

Hank: Yay me.

 

CALIFORNICATION EP.308 PRODUCTION DRAFT 6/2/09 27.

 

Becca: I’m not mad, Dad. Just disappointed. But I guess I’m getting used to it.

Hank: Jesus. Put a plastic bag over my head and get it over with already. That would be less painful.

Becca: How do you think I feel? I know your heart’s always in the right place -- sort of -- but I can’t ever trust you to do the right thing. Do you have any idea how scary that is for a kid?

Hank: New York will be different. A new chapter for all of us. You’ll see.

Becca: Right. Mañana. The sun’ll come out mañana. (Then.) What do you want me to take away from this? From how you treat women? Is that all they are to you? Walking vaginas?

Hank: Look, there’s no excuse for my behavior. I can’t defend myself if someone got hurt. Especially you... my favorite and my best. But I need you to know that it all started with the best of intentions. (Then.) I guess I just wanted them to know that I saw it. The thing that makes them special. That’s all

anyone wants, right? To be seen? To be recognized? But then the lines got blurry. And the fact that your mom and I are in such a weird place right now made everything all the more confusing. Hence the big, stinking mess. (Then.) I’m sorry I let you down, sweets.

 

CALIFORNICATION EP.308 PRODUCTION DRAFT 6/2/09 28.

 

Becca: I know you are.

Hank: And I don’t know how many times I can say I’m sorry before it doesn’t mean anything anymore.

Becca: I don’t know either. But I have this funny feeling we’ll find out.

They sit in silence for a moment. The PHONE RINGS. Hank answers.

Hank: Hello? Oh, she’s fine. Not to worry. Yeah, I talked to her. She...

Becca looks at him, expecting the worst.

Hank: ...she’s at school. All is well. I’ll pick her up later. We’ll get some ice cream... go down to the beach... it’ll be just like old times...

Hank puts his arm around his daughter. Brings her close. Becca lays her head on his shoulder.

Hank: Okay... we’ll call you later. Love you. Bye.

Hank hangs up. They just sit there. Both of them too melancholy to talk. Besides, what’s left to say at this point? And that’s when the formerly semi-conscious stripper stumbles out of Hank’s bedroom, hair shooting out at odd angles... She’s dazed, confused, and all kinds of naked...

Stripper #2: Where’s my fucking clothes...?

A moment. Hank looks at Becca and we...

 

FADE OUT.

 

END OF SHOW

 

CALIFORNICATION EP.308 PRODUCTION DRAFT 6/2/09 29.

 

Source : leethomson.myzen.co.uk

Kikavu ?

Au total, 13 membres ont visionné cet épisode ! Ci-dessous les derniers à l'avoir vu...

Kleinnam 
26.06.2021 vers 21h

Ali3nBrain 
05.02.2018 vers 10h

jonathan68 
16.12.2016 vers 12h

RonanBart 
05.10.2016 vers 14h

Dradis 
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EliLecter 
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